neerehs

#thirteen. confusion leads to nowhere.

2012-02-28T11:44:00.000+08:00

"It’s the worst feeling in the world to love and hate someone all at the same time. And it’s hard to watch things change when all you want is for them to stay the same. It’s funny but stupid how you want everything and nothing at the same time. It’s crazy when you want to let go, but you keep holding on, and when you want to move on but you’re stuck right where you started. When feelings come and go and you can’t decide what you want. When you have so many things to say but you don’t know where to start. When you want them in your life so bad, but all you can do is push them farther and farther away. It’s so hard to think back to how things used to be and look at it now and realize that things are different and they may never be the same. You tell yourself it’s not worth it, but if it really didn’t matter, you wouldn’t spend so much time thinking about it." - eletheowl.tumblr.com

VERY RELEVANT. They say that we aren't suppose to let go of someone who truly care for us. But what if, the same person was the one who hurt you in the past?

To the one who matter: I am sorry, I can't text you all this personally... I am too dependent on you. I need you to be there for me - happy days and my tough times even if there isn't any strings attached. You're my guy best friend and my ex-lover. How am I suppose to be apart from you after almost three years of sticking our butts together? I can't be apart from you as a guy best friend. The distance has taught me to let go, to let every single feeling that I used to have towards you, go. I am strong, I admit. Maybe the pain caused me to be this way. Now, it's up to you, to stick around as a friend or move on. I respect your decision, text me once you read this. Happy 2 years 9 months and 2 days, best friend.

#twelve. closest to heart.

2012-02-24T14:56:00.000+08:00

Halu. Last Wednesday, Syiqy Salleh and I went to meet up with Yawen and Vivian for lunch at Lot One. It feels great to at least meet up with a few close friends. I can't wait to meet up with the rest. There will be 5BEANIEZ BBQ at Vivian's place in March, EXCITED! It has been months since I've met them and I hope at least most of them can make it despite on the busy working schedule. I am probably going back the Kranji Secondary on Monday with a bunch of friends to have our tummy filled with baked potatoes and canteen food! Yumzx.

After we had our lunch, we took the MRT to Bugis and sent Yawen to her work place while Vivian went to Esplanade. Syiqy and I went to Bugis and then to Esplanade to get some photos taken.

So anyway, I received my enrolment package yesterday. My orientation is on the ninth of April. I can't wait for school to start but I will miss the holidays for sure. I am actually afraid of meeting new people. What if I can't find true friends and close friends like I did in secondary school? What if they don't wish to compromise during our projects? And what if the new people I thought that are my friends actually are back-stabbers? I hope, God guide me through and led me to the right path.

Today, Syiqy Salleh came over to accompany me because I have a sudden fright. -.- This is very rare, I never felt this scared of being alone at home. We ended up baking some chocolate chip cookies. :B Omnomnom.

#eleven. marisalle.

2012-02-09T18:46:00.000+08:00

Heyho! I spent half of my day with Syiqy Salleh today. We did our hair together at Teck Whye Lane. Syiqy did her rebonding and coloring. Superb! While, I highlighted my hair red. Well actually, I wanted it to be pink but nahhh. I am not suppose to do anything to my hair but the fact that it's only $25 for the highlights, ofcos I did it. ;)

I am vain. I like it like it like that. ;)

Marisalle.blogspot.com

I am thankful that finally Marisalle.blogspot.com is finally created. So much of editing, starring at the laptop for hours, squeezing my brain juices for proper English sentences, photo-shooting and finally I am done with batch number one. I hope good words of Marisalle will escalate and people will promote this online shop that sells cheap yet gorgeous apparels. ;)

#ten. life.

2012-02-07T19:33:00.001+08:00

Hi. I have been rotting at home for the past few weeks since I quitted my job in December. It's gonna be 2 months! I am extremely lazy to do anything. All I did was to sit at home, eat, watch tv, use the internet, tweet, tweet and tweet. What a life. Since the adult fare is up, it makes me even lazier to head out and have fun with my girls. Meh.

Anyway, I got 17 point (L1R4) after deducting CCA points for my O levels. It was rather upsetting but I pulled myself back together. It was a tough decision to choose and rearrange the courses. So, I placed my first choice as Nanotechnology And Material Science at Nanyang Polytechnic. And yes, I got into this course! Nanotechnology And Material Science is actually not my top courses because I wanted to get into Business courses all my life. However, I had doubts in putting Business courses as my first few choices. So, I thought about it and BOOM! I decided to choose Nanotechnology And Material Science because it emphasize on Science and Mathematics! My strongest subject even though it was only a B3. But whatever. Haha. Ez'zati is in the same course as I do. Since the intake is only about 45 students which actually means 2 classes, I really hope I get into the same class as Ez'zati! ;) The probability is one over two. Heh! I CAN'T WAIT FOR SCHOOL TO START IN APRIL! Damn! I miss studying for sure.

I have recieved my customized GelaSkin today for my Samsung Galaxy S2. It is not pretty to some people but I really like it a lot. <3.<3

I was busy the whole afternoon. I spent three hours trying to solve the ugly green cloth backdrop (the picture on my facebook wall) for the photoshoot. And poof! I decided to use two pieces of white cloth together to make a backdrop. I used duct tape to stick the cloth onto my wardrobe. There are a few photos with duct tape but I hope it is not visible. I find myself cheapskate and pathetic!

Syiqy Salleh (Nur Asyiqin Bte Mohd Salleh) came to my house to model all of the clothes. ^-^ We spend 4 to 5 hours. It was exhausting! Syiqy did a great job! Thank you Syiqy Salleh! :) Since I am currently using mobile instead of proper laptop or computer to update this blog, I have not much photos to share. My online shop will be up latest by Friday. :) Here's the sneak peak...

It's Nur Dellysda eighteenth birthday in a few hours time! <3

#nine. heart skip skip a beat.

2012-01-16T19:29:00.000+08:00

It feels weird but I am happy now. ;)

#eight. missed.

2012-01-02T21:54:00.000+08:00

Met up with a group of friends to sent Nur Dellysda H to the airport yesterday. I hope she is doing fine right now. School will be starting for her this Wednesday. I miss her so much now. :-( <3 I hope to see her this April.

#seven. afraid.

2011-12-29T11:00:00.002+08:00

I don't know what is best for me. I am scared to open up again. Enough of heartbreaks, chances and mistakes. There is no room for mistakes. I am shutting the door to my heart until someone came in and turn everything around once again. I had enough for now.

Good morning. I misplaced my spectacle and my contact lens has already expired. Meh.

If I get 15 to 19 points, I will choose,

(Not in order)

1)Chemical And Pharmaceutical Technology - 17 ponts @ NYP
2)Food Science And Nutrition - 16 points @ NYP
4)Materials Science - 15 points @ SP
5)Business Information Technology - 15 points @ SP
6)Business Management - 16 points @ NYP
7)Food And Beverage Business - 16 points @ NYP
8)Fund Management And Administration - 16 points @ NYP
9)Hospitality & Tourism Management - 16 ponts @ NYP
10)Hotel and Hospitality Management - 18 points @ RP
11)International Supply Chain Management - 16 points @ NP
12)Marketing - 17 points @ NYP
13)Maritime Business - 16 points @ SP
14)Financial Information - 15 points @ NYP

If I get 11 to 14 points (impossible but I will just list it anyway), I will choose,

(Not in order)

1)Applied Chemistry with Pharmaceutical Science - 12 points @ SP
2)Food Science & Technology - 14 points @ SP
3)Medicinal Chemistry - 14 points @ NYP
4)Pharmaceutical Sciences - 14 points @ NYP
5)Accountancy - 11 points @ NP/SP
6)Accountancy & Finance - 13 points @ NYP
7)Banking & Financial Services - 14 points @ NYP / 11 points @ SP
8)Business & Social Enterprise - 12 points @ NP
9)Business Administration - 12 points @ SP
10)Business Management - 16 points @ NYP
11)Business Studies - 11 points @ NP
12)Dental Hygiene and Therapy - 12 points @ NYP
13)Optometry - 12 points @ NP/SP
14)Applied Drama and Psychology - 13 points @ SP
15) Child Psychology & Early Education - 11 points @ NP
16) Early Childhood Education - 14 point @ NP
17) Social Sciences( Social Work) - 13 points @ NYP

I missed out a few of the courses. Kinda lazy to type all of it. But the course that I really want to get in is ... Business Innovation & Design at SP. :B O level results is in 11 to 13 days. I can't wait for Polytechnic Open Houses. :)

#six. deep down.

2011-12-19T22:40:00.002+08:00

Sometimes I feel like bullshit. Some days I feel that I ain't pretty enough or good enough for anyone. I have insecurities every single day. That is just part of my life. It is just difficult to stop being insecure of who I am. The person I look at in the mirror or even the reflection whenever I walk pass one, isn't vain at all, she is just insecure of how she looks or even afraid of what people might think. I am that girl who stares at the mirror, looking at her pimples, her big forehead, her round face and flaws. That girl who covers up her face with make up whenever she heads out. She is afraid to look at the weighing scale even if she is skinny as fvck. I love looking at other pretty ladies out there and wish I could be one of them. I am sorry but that is just me. However I am thankful of what God gave me. I just have to regain my confidence back.

Hi. I will be back. I need time on my own to find myself back. Facebook and Twitter deactivated. I am going out of Singapore. Forgive me if I didn't reply any text messages or calls. Take care. :-)

#five. what if?

2011-12-09T17:58:00.000+08:00

If I get 20 points and worse, I will choose,

(Not in order)

1) Nursing - 28 points @ NP/NYP
Reasons: When I was young, I do have dreams of wanting to become a doctor. Since I am in the NA stream and I don't take any pure Sciences, there's very little (probably none) chance of me on becoming a doctor. Since then, this dream of wanting to become a doctor, fades, just because I know I can't be one. Nursing is a good way to work closely with the doctors. I might not know, maybe in the future, I will take courses in doctoring even if it takes years of pursuing this dream. Other than that, nursing is now high in demand and the government will be desperate on wanting more nurses because of the ageing population. This is why the cut of point is pretty steep and it is to attract more student in joining nursing.

2)Restaurant And Culinary Operation - 20 point @ RP
Reasons: I have a lot of dreams. One of my dreams is to open up my own food business even if I am not a good cook or rarely cook. I am more into business. This is a good step to take.

3) Pharmaceutical Science - 25 points @ RP
Reasons: I don't know. I don't have any wow reason for this course. But all I know, it will be awesome to learn about medicines and etc. At least, this course is near to nursing or even doctoring.

4) ITE/ Higher Nitec
Yes, I wouldn't mind taking food related courses and even business courses in ITE/ Higher Nitec even if I have wasted a year just to take my O level. Even if I do pass my O level, I would probably choose this path. I wanted to take this path last year, but somehow, I chose to take O level, to work hard and try my luck. :-) People will judge me here but idgaf because atleast, I still do have dreams right?

Next post will be on the courses if I get 15 points to 19 points but not today. Stay tune. :-)

#four. hopes and dreams.

2011-12-08T18:41:00.000+08:00

What can I do to wake yourself up? I miss the old you. I miss meeting you and grab some bubble tea or even play at the playground. We bearly contact any more. What's wrong? You refuse to speak up. I miss you.

O level results day is nearing. December is ending soon. January is coming. I have been thinking and planning a lot. The courses and schools to take if I get certain points. And I also plan on where to go if I can't even hit 25 points for O level. This thought is killing me but at least, I am going to be mentally prepared even if I will never be emotionally ready.

My last day of work will be on the 18th of December which falls on the Sunday. I am only left with six more working days. I am really eager to get my next pay but I will only receive it next year. I have been waiting for the day to open up my own online business and model my own business. Hahaha. This is weird but somehow, this is what I have been wanting to do for the past two to three years. I am going to start small. With God's guidance and strong support, InsyaAllah I will be successful one day.

#three. time will heal.

2011-12-07T17:58:00.000+08:00

I loved. I got ditched. I got my heart broken countless of times. With time and patience, things will turn around for sure. Nobody said that love going to be easy. No matter how tough things might get, wipe your tears away, have some faith and pick yourself up.

busy. upset. twitter and facebook deactivated. family and friends are missed. need my life back. need her back. disappointed. useless as always. need everything to be in place again. hate this. fxck this shit. period.

#two. actions speak louder than words.

2011-11-11T10:34:00.000+08:00

I trust actions rather than words. You can babble about all the amazing things but end up with just empty promises, right? It has been years and nothing seems to change. What am I suppose to do? Run back to you again like I did a gazillion times? It's never ending. I am much more stronger than all the tough times we had. Yes, I have changed because pain does that to people. It feels like as if my heart has been hit by a lorry continuously.

On the ninth of November, Asyiqin, Dellysda, Yu Hui and I went to town to find our prom stuffs. I didn't get anything for myself. I was just looking through because I will be finding my stuffs again on Saturday with my eldest sister. When Asyiqin and Dellysda went away, Sherry came along and bought herself a dress. So anyway, bus 190 will always be very pack during night time.

So anyway, I hope tomorrow I will find all my prom stuffs because I am tired looking for dresses online. I have walk-in-interview today with Asyiqin. I hope luck is on our side to get the job and the branch near our home. In addition, I hope that we will not get separated to another branch if we did get the job. I am going to search more jobs online. Xoxo. :)

#one. tough heart.

2011-11-10T10:38:00.001+08:00

I didn't expect things would be this way. I didn't expect love could change to hate in just a short period of time. I need time. I need space. I need to be a distance from you. I am not hurt. I just like it to be this way between us. No knots attached. No I love you(s). I am numb. I am not used to have changes and even those slight changes. We were brought up this way in our relationship and it is difficult to adapt a new environment without getting hurt. I no longer wish to compromise and make things better. I am sick and tired of false hopes. I can't fight it out anymore. Period.

So anyway, I am back to blogging. Thumbs up. I deleted all of the previous post to start a fresh. I am still willing to keep the url as neerehs. Simple. One more O level paper to freedom. :)